Fulfillment in Marriage

June 22, 2013

Fulfillment In Marriage

            It is unfortunate that so many couples fail to find the fulfillment that marriage can offer them.  On their wedding day they looked forward, with great anticipation, to a satisfaction that they had never known before.  In this article we will look at some of the reasons why couples fail to find fulfillment in their marriage.

Please keep in mind that we are writing about marriage and not just a mutual agreement to live together.  There is what is called “a common law marriage,” but biblically it’s not really a marriage.  A common law marriage is most often entered into for convenience and for advantages they expect to get from one another.  There is little or no commitment.

The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”  Marriage is honorable because it is commendable.  There is nothing detrimental about it.  When a marriage fails, it’s not the fault of marriage itself.  It fails because of defects in the people who enter into a marriage.  Let’s look at some of the reasons why marriages fail.

Selfishness

A marriage will never fail if each lives for the other.  When selfishness enters in, marriage partners find it difficult to take into consideration the wellbeing and happiness of their mate.  A marriage is distained to fail if one of the partners seeks to get all he or she can for himself or herself.  Marriage is a partnership.  Did you notice the word “partner” in the word “partnership”?  In a partnership two or more people agree to work together for a common goal.  If all the partners work to get all they can for themselves, the partnership is destined to fail.  Many times a partnership is a business.  Two or more people agree to pool their assets and expertise, and work together to make more profit than they could make individually.  The more you put into your marriage, the more fulfillment you will receive from it.  That is true, unless one is selfish and wants to get all he can while investing as little as possible.

A lack of Communication

Talk is cheap, but often rewarding.  It contributes to a happy marriage.  Companions share their thoughts.  It’s great to have someone to talk to.  You won’t always be in agreement about everything, but by talking about it you can know to what extent you are in agreement.  Notice I didn’t say argue about it.  Many marriages suffer because of a lack of communication.  If your spouse is upset about something and you say, “I don’t want to talk about it” you are putting an obstacle between the two of you.  It’s your obligation to listen and then share your feelings about it.  Be transparent about your life.  Don’t leave your spouse with reason to be suspicious or envious.   For example, if you are gone from home for periods of time with no explanation for it, that leaves your spouse with anxiety and uncertainty.

Neglect of personal habits

Being negligent about personal habits can hinder fulfillment in marriage.  Being a sloppy housekeeper can be an embarrassment to your husband.  Husbands who leave their dirty clothes and pertinences scattered around the house make unnecessary work for their wives.  Being careless about personal hygiene makes you less desirable.  These may seem like small things, but they are detrimental to a happy marriage.

Addictions

Marriages are often ruined by bad habits.  If, before you entered into your marriage, you knew that your potential partner was addicted to drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling or anything else that is habit forming, you should have said “no.” If you didn’t, you should accept and love him or her in spite of bad habits.  If one enters into those habits after marriage, it is a complete lack of respect for the wellbeing of your spouse.  Temperance (self-control) is one of the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

A bad spirit

Fulfillment in a marriage is greatly enhanced if both partners have a sweet spirit and good attitude toward one another.  When couples spend their day bickering with one another, it’s highly unlikely that they will find fulfillment and satisfaction in the marriage bed at night.

A lack of Biblical virtues

The virtues we read about in the Bible are a vital necessity if we are going to have fulfillment in marriage.  Colossians 3:12-15 says “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.    And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”  We need to be quick to forgive our marriage partner.  When we said “I do” at the marriage altar, we didn’t get a perfect partner.  Patience is also greatly needed in marriage.  That is longsuffering and forbearing one another.  At times we need to speed up, or slow down to be in harmony.  We all have our own thermostats which means that we don’t always agree on the correct room temperature.

Marriage can, and should be, a fulfilling experience.  My wife and I have spent 52 years together.  It has been a highly rewarding experience.  We have never faced a problem we couldn’t work out with a little give and take.  Your marriage can be fulfilling also if both of you will put off the old man (Ephesians 4:22) and put on the new man (Ephesians 4:24).  “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.   For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;   That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word” (Ephesians 5:21-26).

Our E-mail address is rusandmargaretgeorge@windstream.net

 

 

 

 

 

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